Thoughts | Boxes

 i sat in my kitchen for over an hour and a half. just sat there. i had taken everything out of the cabinets that was mine and put it on the kitchen table. i taped the bottom of the box and flipped it over preparing it for million and a half mugs i own. and then i literally just sat there next to it.

i have packed and moved so many times in my life. some moves have been awesome. some have been awful. but looking back at each time i fully understand how God placed me in a different place so he could grow me. and so that is what keeps me going. keeps me moving forward with this. i know God is putting me in nashville for a purpose and i am excited to find that and grow from that experience.

so why can't a freakin pack a box?!

i just sat there staring at it. hoping it would pack itself. maybe because i'm tired. maybe because once its packed its so final. maybe because i am going to have no kitchen to put it in for a couple months and that fully means i'm now a nomad.

i'm such a contradiction.

i love the idea of being free and living life with no home and no responsibilities. i want to not have a cell phone or facebook and just buy a camper and grow out my leg hair. but at the same moment i want a home. i want to belong and have someone to love and do life with. i want a solid ministry i can back and be involved it. i want fellowship and laughter and dependability.

and even though i think i have grown so much in my adulthood i still can't figure out what/who i want to be. and maybe thats why my brain is rebellion against the idea of me putting my life back in a box. maybe on the day i leave of should just throw it all in the back of my truck like a picture of what my brain and emotions are doing with my life because of this move. just a big confusing pile of junk all jumbled together so it makes it really hard to find the hair dryer when you need it. and then sprinkle glitter all over the top of it because thats the part of me that is still wildly excited about life and change. and i'll keep in mind that my Jesus is sitting right on the top of that pile, telling me not to worry because he knows just where to put all this stuff once we get there. and its going to be alright as long as i stay with him.


i don't think this is something i will blog out and be done with. i think i will keep talking about this move for a while. its weird, its hard, its so exciting. i hope you stick around.