Thoughts | Boxes


 i sat in my kitchen for over an hour and a half. just sat there. i had taken everything out of the cabinets that was mine and put it on the kitchen table. i taped the bottom of the box and flipped it over preparing it for million and a half mugs i own. and then i literally just sat there next to it.

i have packed and moved so many times in my life. some moves have been awesome. some have been awful. but looking back at each time i fully understand how God placed me in a different place so he could grow me. and so that is what keeps me going. keeps me moving forward with this. i know God is putting me in nashville for a purpose and i am excited to find that and grow from that experience.

so why can't a freakin pack a box?!

i just sat there staring at it. hoping it would pack itself. maybe because i'm tired. maybe because once its packed its so final. maybe because i am going to have no kitchen to put it in for a couple months and that fully means i'm now a nomad.

i'm such a contradiction.

i love the idea of being free and living life with no home and no responsibilities. i want to not have a cell phone or facebook and just buy a camper and grow out my leg hair. but at the same moment i want a home. i want to belong and have someone to love and do life with. i want a solid ministry i can back and be involved it. i want fellowship and laughter and dependability.

and even though i think i have grown so much in my adulthood i still can't figure out what/who i want to be. and maybe thats why my brain is rebellion against the idea of me putting my life back in a box. maybe on the day i leave of should just throw it all in the back of my truck like a picture of what my brain and emotions are doing with my life because of this move. just a big confusing pile of junk all jumbled together so it makes it really hard to find the hair dryer when you need it. and then sprinkle glitter all over the top of it because thats the part of me that is still wildly excited about life and change. and i'll keep in mind that my Jesus is sitting right on the top of that pile, telling me not to worry because he knows just where to put all this stuff once we get there. and its going to be alright as long as i stay with him.

i don't think this is something i will blog out and be done with. i think i will keep talking about this move for a while. its weird, its hard, its so exciting. i hope you stick around.


  1. Things we should have talked about when you were here! haha I feel like I'm you three months into the future... Or you're past me... either way - I feel you! This last transition has been the hardest out of all 12 that I've done. My things are still in boxes in the garage. I don't have my normal routine anymore. I never get to use my favorite coffee mugs because they are packed and well, you know the house coffee situation ;) My bank statements make me sad. I feel unsettled. All the while, I am searching for church and community and companionship and a job. Jumbled and confusing. It doesn't necessarily feel hopeless or stressful... It just feels... blah. Muddled. So much opportunity lies ahead and I'm doing all that I can to stay afloat for the time being. It's requiring me to trust God a lot more than I thought I would have to or that I was capable of, that's for sure.

  2. I'll be praying for you!
    Brooke Jordan

  3. I've never moved before, except for when I was a toddler and I can't remember any of that. I can't imagine it being easy though. It makes me anxious at the thought. I am proud of you though. I am proud that you are an independent woman and you can stand tall during change and have faith and hope in our Lord. That takes courage, courage that many of us don't possess. It is seriously a beautiful thing to watch you grow and move forward in your life and I cant wait to see it all unfold. It's going to be amazing, I can feel it!

  4. Abbey, with everything you have overcome in your life I have no doubt you will push through this. I am amazed at your strength in Christ and your willingness to follow whatever He has for you. You are like Abraham saying "ok God I'll go where you want me to" without knowing what will be there when you arrive. I have no doubt God has awesome plans for you! The best is yet to come! Good luck with the move and I will be praying for you :)